Tuesday, January 12, 2010


ok so i need to vent..i am a shitty student..i used to be straight A's, honor student deans list..perfect! oh and skinny then COLLEGE! i was ok then i did bad in school and drank and ate everything and anything! now im huge and chubby, on academic probation without any student aid because i was too depressed to actually do im trying to pick myself up..slowly but it working..i dunno yet

someone did say i looked skinnier yesterday..which was good..i did fast most the day until i found out it was grocery day and i had to make dinner..baked chicken with mashed potatos and corn..and bread with butter..the enemy of enemies..i ate some chicken had 2 small scoops of potatos and 3 heaping spoons of corn..and like 5 pieces of bread..only 1 was buttered..then dessert!! chocolate cake wtf was i thinking i wasnt even tasting anything..just scarfing down bite after bite unti li looked down and there was nothing left

anyways i feel like a shit head..fat and ugly..really ugly today..i was going to post pictures but if i did i think i would cry and just throw my computer into the wall!!!!!!!

anyways i havent eaten today..i dont want to eat every forever and be happy ..why cant i just be normal and stay skinny? everyone else is either perfect or obese to the point to it being disgusting..actually its always disgusting and fat is just gross to look at..

so even though i broke day 10 fast, im not giving up, im NOT letting food win, im NOT losing this fight..

today is day 11-150 calories

yes i messed up and yes i know i should start over but im going to keep at a FIGHTER!]

oh and how do other people eat just as much or even more than me and lose weight.but i just stay the same..even gain?!?

follow your heart girlys..follow it to the bone