i know im a failure!

didnt eat for 2 days but little nibbles of stuff at work to keep from passing out..

today i had a salad w chicken..600 cals bc there was NO dressing!! go me or what??

im going home for a week on thursday..god help me!! if i get caught with this im dead!! but i have enough days to pump myself up to not fail!!



im hoping to stay under 600 a day..when i work i can get away with zero cals which is great..i can tell im losing inches but not lbs..i guess id rather have that then nothing right? ha i guess!!

oh update..im at 153..from 178

to avoid food im sitting in my living room blasting music and reading other thinspo blogs and pictures..if i can get pass 9 ill be ok bc i never eat at night..i can feel this is it for me..its my time to get those long thin legs and beautiful hip bones..delicate arms
..my collar bones are already showing thru the fat!

oh i decided to write the calorie limit for the day on my hand..hope it works

day 2 eh

ok so today wasnt too bad..

i had a philly sub..and i walked and played football so i burned it all off

i worked so i was on my feet for a good solid 5 hours! but i want my training to be over so i cant try anymore stupid food!!


beach tomorrow..so doing a work out at the beach!

day 1..recap

so day one went well all day at the beach playing volleyball..burning serious calories! then i went out to eat for bbq..did well salad with some steak and watermelon..not to shabby..avoided brownies and ice cream!!

yay!! anyways day 2 so far is going well..just woke up so i couldnt have eaten yet! then off to work..i serve so im running around like a mad person!

my ex said i look crazy skinny in my bikini yesterday woohoo!!

i weighed in a lb less too!!

wtf..perfect timing

ok so i just well not just..almost 2 months now yay single! ok lost about 4-5 lbs woohoo

but i really feel that now i can focus on me..really get into the this and redirect my attention into my weight loss..

im at 154 right now grr i kno..but i am determind to get where i want to be plus my ex bet me i would never get there so its going to be great having to show him that im amazing and skinny WITHOUT him!!!

my plan is do abc bc i well love it!!

day one today!!



and im not going to be like oh man i messed up now i should start over..next time..no this is it! i only have one chance to do this
i want my bmi to be 17! damnit!! i want that 110 feeling

abc

so im doing abc again..day 6 is tomorrow..lost 2 lbs so far yay!!

trying to fix it

ok..im actually posting again wow i know!!

i just joined a gym..went 2 times so far..

hour and half first day
hour today!
2 hours tomorrow!!

ive been trying to stick to 500 or less..today was hard..really craving after working out

but tomorrow i dont even have food scheduled into my day..isnt that awesome!
i joined a mini fast with my friends at my fav site!! started after dinner tonight and goes til tuesday night which is great bc im too busy to eat and i have a major event this weekend..god help me!!

doctor visit last week made me really step on the scale..162 lbs wtf!! anyways lost 2.5 lbs and it wasnt water weight bc i drink like a fish!!

oh and anyone studying ochem..god help us!!!

march..madness?

im going mad! ah thank god its april

no food tomorrow

sorry for the lack of updates but my lack of control has led me to focus on school and work but to my disappointment are still just so-so

why cant i succeed in anything? im mediocre at best at whatever i do

i need control back
focus
drive
determination
110 or bust

uh sorry

i know its been ages, its been really busy for both angela and i, school, work, boyfriends, moving, life haha

anyways were  both pretty much where we were..its sad and fustrating

now im determined to lose all this nasty weight bc i was in a swimsuit for valentines day and wanted to throw up!

hmph

ok so i need to vent..i am a shitty student..i used to be straight A's, honor student deans list..perfect! oh and skinny then COLLEGE! i was ok then i did bad in school and drank and ate everything and anything! now im huge and chubby, on academic probation without any student aid because i was too depressed to actually do anything..now im trying to pick myself up..slowly but surely..is it working..i dunno yet

someone did say i looked skinnier yesterday..which was good..i did fast most the day until i found out it was grocery day and i had to make dinner..baked chicken with mashed potatos and corn..and bread with butter..the enemy of enemies..i ate some chicken had 2 small scoops of potatos and 3 heaping spoons of corn..and like 5 pieces of bread..only 1 was buttered..then dessert!! chocolate cake wtf was i thinking i wasnt even tasting anything..just scarfing down bite after bite unti li looked down and there was nothing left

anyways i feel like a shit head..fat and ugly..really ugly today..i was going to post pictures but if i did i think i would cry and just throw my computer into the wall!!!!!!!

anyways i havent eaten today..i dont want to eat every again..fast forever and be happy ..why cant i just be normal and stay skinny? everyone else is either perfect or obese to the point to it being disgusting..actually its always disgusting and fat is just gross to look at..

so even though i broke day 10 fast, im not giving up, im NOT letting food win, im NOT losing this fight..

today is day 11-150 calories

yes i messed up and yes i know i should start over but im going to keep at this..im a FIGHTER!]

oh and how do other people eat just as much or even more than me and lose weight.but i just stay the same..even gain?!?

follow your heart girlys..follow it to the bone

update!

ok so day 10...its school time, meaning i can update more frequently!! today is a fasting day..so far so good!

finally..

sorry ive been without a computer because i was moving, all is well now

anyways both angela and i have been sticking too abc pretty well..updates soon!!

groceries..by Angela!

Last night I went to the grocery store. I loaded up on tons of really great things that will last me a LONG time. I bought 5 boxes of cereal and split. them up into 50 calorie baggies so i won't have to measure it out everytime I decide I want some. I also did the same with pretzels and carrots. I bought some 100 calorie packs and split those up into 50 calorie baggies as well. I also bought: 50 cal fiber one yogurt 50 cal string cheeseTurkey breast (50 cals for 3 slices)EggsWheat buns for 100 cals per bun ( i eat only one half of the bun at a time)cup of soupceleryorangesapplesHeres the kicker though. I was walking around-pushing my cart-and the bakery happens to be riiiight next to the produce section where I shop. So, without even realizing what I was doing, I pushed my cart on over to the bakery, to the donuts, and grabbed a huge package of donut holes (MY FAVORITE, I have a horrible awful terrible sweet tooth :( :( ) and just put them in my cart and walked away. I continued on shopping with those things haunting me. I totally snapped out of it and practically flew back to where I got them from and put them back!!! I would have gone home and literally eaten the entire package of them and basically wasted all of my money on that healthy food. I'm so glad I came to my senses! xoxo Angela

angela's progress..shes a beast!

Today is Day 4! 400 cals for today... piece of cake! I have done well so far, staying within my calorie limit for the first three days, and today will be no exception! I've already lost some weight but I'm not doing an "official" weigh-in until Sunday the 10th so I'll post my weight then! :) Pictures will also be coming soon. Get ready for a transformation! I'm stoked. Day 1 food intake:I already forgot what I ate the first day - this is why i need to blog more regularly!!! Day 2 food intake:Fuze Low Carb drink: 20 cals90 cal pack of rice cakes: 90 cals1.5 pieces of pizza hut pizza: 405Total:  515Day 3 food intake: 4 ritz crackers: 64 cals4 oz. boneless skinless chicken breast: 120 cals12 spears of asparagus: 25 cals 1/2 100 cal pack of cookies: 50 cals 1 Tbsp fat free coffee creamer: 30 cals Total: 289 cals :)I have day four all planned out but I don't want to write it down until it actually happens! No jinxing myself!I'll be writing another entry about my grocery shopping experience later on today. Stay tuned and Stay strong! :)

day 3

I had to drive 7 hours back to school today...uh hello exhausted?!

I did stay under 300 as did Angela who survived grocery shopping..she grabed donuts and then put them back...can you say control!!! Way to go!!

I had oatmeal and coffee early this morning then water all day...my bf wanted dinner and I got out of it by suggesting subway..ya still bad but I ate 1/4 of it so 160 cals!! Putting me at 300 exactly!!

I'm moving into a new apartment and might not be able to post for the next few days but its a 400 day then 100 which is ok cuz I work all day so no food

But remember the more you gain the more you have to lose!!

Peace and bones loveys!!

official weigh in-day 2

angela 141.6
ava 156.5 (im on my period so im retaining alot of water)

so i had to pack and i was moving all day, staying super hydrated

anyways heres the breakdown for the day

wheat toast.............45
eggs (2 small)..........105
bacon (2)................80
orange juice............110
buffalo chicken dip..44
tortilla chips............140
total:                         529

if i burn an average 1950 cals a day..its not soo bad..

day 1

ok so day one for me wasnt too bad..500 cals

woke up to my dad making another breakfast!! aahh chipped beef on toast..its good but fatty!

had one spoon and half the bread..yay me!! went to bed after for like 4 more hours..woke up and it was lunch time but i got out of it and had some juice instead..then i took a shower were i was soo lightheaded it was perfect motivation to keep from eating the rest of today..went shopping worked up a stomach ache, so at dinner i couldnt eat alot which wasnt too bad to begin with..anyways heres the breakdown of calories..

chipped beef.....45 cals
roll....................50
fresh juice.........60
chicken.............176
rice...................120
brownie............50
total..................501

good..i think so!! i did go over by 1 caloriebut its so insignificant i can over look that

from angela with love..

2010 has officially begun. It's going to be a good year. I can feel it. Ava was just telling me how she feels lightheaded...and she loves it! That's going to be the story of our lives for this year and beyond. Do you get used to the feeling of being lightheaded? Or is it always the same? I guess we'll find out. I'm quite tired today and really spacey. I'm not sure if its from a lack of sleep, a lack of calories, or a little bit of both but either way I LOVE to sleep so I'm not complaining. :-) A comfy bed a nice big soft blanket and a cozy pillow is basically heaven defined for me.




I've had some time off of my full-time job over the holidays and I start back again on Monday. I am SO excited and ready to get back to work. Not because I particularly like my job... but because it gives me something to do, provides structure for my day, and I hardly eat at all at work... even better. I also have a part-time job that I work at on the weekends. So nice cuz it's active and keeps me really busy! Always on the move. Speaking of which, I should probably go get ready now. Until next time!



xoxo Angela

bored to avoid a late night binge!!

i made 2 videos!!!
number uno <3 ana
number 2! new year

<3 watch em!

NEW YEAR NEW US!

Well folks... it's New Years Eve. So Happy New Year to all!




What does that mean for me? It means many things. Unfortunately, it means dinner and drinks ringing in the new year with friends and loved ones. I'm going to do my best to enjoy it while I can because after that - after tonight - there will be no more of THAT! So on the one hand new years eve means calories and alcohol. BUT on the other hand it means a WHOLE NEW YEAR to be amazing. And I for one cannot wait. Good 'ole Ava and I are starting abc on the 2nd. Wish us luck. I CANNOT WAIT!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Okay, just had to get that out. I know this all seems like a bunch of random jumbled nothingness but isn't that really the essence of a good blog?! :-)



Anyways... I'm really looking forward to giving abc another try. This time I believe it will go much much better than it did the first time Ava and I attempted it together. We are in a different place now, a different mind set, and i think most importantly, a different year! I'm going to try extremely hard to hit the gym as much as possible too. I think that will really accelerate the process and we all know that is a good thing!



So Happy New Years everyone. Enjoy the EVE while it lasts and make everyday this year and every year count.. Every day. Every calorie. Every moment.



xoxo Angela
 
 
HOWDY!!!!!!!!
omg i had such a great night, i got out of every meal and celebration snacks!! had half a champagne glass go me!!! ok so my fast is continuing today as well..angela and i are starting abc tomorrow!! i mean i could eat today but im not even hungry!!

peace, love and skinny!

new years eve...

so im a member of a wonderful site..and i joined a strength fast..yeah just when i was going to start abc and go all the way..i try to do something ridiculous haha anyways im number 6 out of 10..my lucky number, maybe it wont be so bad

I just started last night, my dad again decided to have a super breakfast-pancakes..yeah i know! i just said i wasnt hungry which was true, i had 2 sips of coffee and 2 cups of fresh oj..pretty damn good! considering some girls have already dropped out of the fast..GO ME!!

ANYWAYS..starting weight for the fast is 156.5 exactly, i weight myself at least 4 times a day..thats the average..i dont look it though but whatev..wish me luck!

angela will be sending me some stuff..she is doing great!! oh happy new year