i know im a failure!

didnt eat for 2 days but little nibbles of stuff at work to keep from passing out..

today i had a salad w chicken..600 cals bc there was NO dressing!! go me or what??

im going home for a week on thursday..god help me!! if i get caught with this im dead!! but i have enough days to pump myself up to not fail!!



im hoping to stay under 600 a day..when i work i can get away with zero cals which is great..i can tell im losing inches but not lbs..i guess id rather have that then nothing right? ha i guess!!

oh update..im at 153..from 178

to avoid food im sitting in my living room blasting music and reading other thinspo blogs and pictures..if i can get pass 9 ill be ok bc i never eat at night..i can feel this is it for me..its my time to get those long thin legs and beautiful hip bones..delicate arms
..my collar bones are already showing thru the fat!

oh i decided to write the calorie limit for the day on my hand..hope it works

day 2 eh

ok so today wasnt too bad..

i had a philly sub..and i walked and played football so i burned it all off

i worked so i was on my feet for a good solid 5 hours! but i want my training to be over so i cant try anymore stupid food!!


beach tomorrow..so doing a work out at the beach!

day 1..recap

so day one went well all day at the beach playing volleyball..burning serious calories! then i went out to eat for bbq..did well salad with some steak and watermelon..not to shabby..avoided brownies and ice cream!!

yay!! anyways day 2 so far is going well..just woke up so i couldnt have eaten yet! then off to work..i serve so im running around like a mad person!

my ex said i look crazy skinny in my bikini yesterday woohoo!!

i weighed in a lb less too!!

wtf..perfect timing

ok so i just well not just..almost 2 months now yay single! ok lost about 4-5 lbs woohoo

but i really feel that now i can focus on me..really get into the this and redirect my attention into my weight loss..

im at 154 right now grr i kno..but i am determind to get where i want to be plus my ex bet me i would never get there so its going to be great having to show him that im amazing and skinny WITHOUT him!!!

my plan is do abc bc i well love it!!

day one today!!



and im not going to be like oh man i messed up now i should start over..next time..no this is it! i only have one chance to do this
i want my bmi to be 17! damnit!! i want that 110 feeling

abc

so im doing abc again..day 6 is tomorrow..lost 2 lbs so far yay!!

trying to fix it

ok..im actually posting again wow i know!!

i just joined a gym..went 2 times so far..

hour and half first day
hour today!
2 hours tomorrow!!

ive been trying to stick to 500 or less..today was hard..really craving after working out

but tomorrow i dont even have food scheduled into my day..isnt that awesome!
i joined a mini fast with my friends at my fav site!! started after dinner tonight and goes til tuesday night which is great bc im too busy to eat and i have a major event this weekend..god help me!!

doctor visit last week made me really step on the scale..162 lbs wtf!! anyways lost 2.5 lbs and it wasnt water weight bc i drink like a fish!!

oh and anyone studying ochem..god help us!!!

march..madness?

im going mad! ah thank god its april

no food tomorrow

sorry for the lack of updates but my lack of control has led me to focus on school and work but to my disappointment are still just so-so

why cant i succeed in anything? im mediocre at best at whatever i do

i need control back
focus
drive
determination
110 or bust