wtf..perfect timing

ok so i just well not just..almost 2 months now yay single! ok lost about 4-5 lbs woohoo

but i really feel that now i can focus on me..really get into the this and redirect my attention into my weight loss..

im at 154 right now grr i kno..but i am determind to get where i want to be plus my ex bet me i would never get there so its going to be great having to show him that im amazing and skinny WITHOUT him!!!

my plan is do abc bc i well love it!!

day one today!!



and im not going to be like oh man i messed up now i should start over..next time..no this is it! i only have one chance to do this
i want my bmi to be 17! damnit!! i want that 110 feeling

abc

so im doing abc again..day 6 is tomorrow..lost 2 lbs so far yay!!

trying to fix it

ok..im actually posting again wow i know!!

i just joined a gym..went 2 times so far..

hour and half first day
hour today!
2 hours tomorrow!!

ive been trying to stick to 500 or less..today was hard..really craving after working out

but tomorrow i dont even have food scheduled into my day..isnt that awesome!
i joined a mini fast with my friends at my fav site!! started after dinner tonight and goes til tuesday night which is great bc im too busy to eat and i have a major event this weekend..god help me!!

doctor visit last week made me really step on the scale..162 lbs wtf!! anyways lost 2.5 lbs and it wasnt water weight bc i drink like a fish!!

oh and anyone studying ochem..god help us!!!

march..madness?

im going mad! ah thank god its april

no food tomorrow

sorry for the lack of updates but my lack of control has led me to focus on school and work but to my disappointment are still just so-so

why cant i succeed in anything? im mediocre at best at whatever i do

i need control back
focus
drive
determination
110 or bust

uh sorry

i know its been ages, its been really busy for both angela and i, school, work, boyfriends, moving, life haha

anyways were  both pretty much where we were..its sad and fustrating

now im determined to lose all this nasty weight bc i was in a swimsuit for valentines day and wanted to throw up!

hmph

ok so i need to vent..i am a shitty student..i used to be straight A's, honor student deans list..perfect! oh and skinny then COLLEGE! i was ok then i did bad in school and drank and ate everything and anything! now im huge and chubby, on academic probation without any student aid because i was too depressed to actually do anything..now im trying to pick myself up..slowly but surely..is it working..i dunno yet

someone did say i looked skinnier yesterday..which was good..i did fast most the day until i found out it was grocery day and i had to make dinner..baked chicken with mashed potatos and corn..and bread with butter..the enemy of enemies..i ate some chicken had 2 small scoops of potatos and 3 heaping spoons of corn..and like 5 pieces of bread..only 1 was buttered..then dessert!! chocolate cake wtf was i thinking i wasnt even tasting anything..just scarfing down bite after bite unti li looked down and there was nothing left

anyways i feel like a shit head..fat and ugly..really ugly today..i was going to post pictures but if i did i think i would cry and just throw my computer into the wall!!!!!!!

anyways i havent eaten today..i dont want to eat every again..fast forever and be happy ..why cant i just be normal and stay skinny? everyone else is either perfect or obese to the point to it being disgusting..actually its always disgusting and fat is just gross to look at..

so even though i broke day 10 fast, im not giving up, im NOT letting food win, im NOT losing this fight..

today is day 11-150 calories

yes i messed up and yes i know i should start over but im going to keep at this..im a FIGHTER!]

oh and how do other people eat just as much or even more than me and lose weight.but i just stay the same..even gain?!?

follow your heart girlys..follow it to the bone

update!

ok so day 10...its school time, meaning i can update more frequently!! today is a fasting day..so far so good!